What Giving Birth Taught Me About My Savior

So.. this is going to be super long. But I mostly just want to write down all of these details so that I don't forget this crazy and amazing experience. :) But before I tell you about what giving birth has taught me about my Savior, I need to first give you the whole story.

Around January 12th, I started to get REALLY itchy in the palms of my hands and the soles of my feet. I noticed that it was getting worse, especially at night, so I decided to call my midwife. I called Friday morning and left a message, but didn't hear back. So I decided to wait until my appointment that following Tuesday. At the appointment, my midwife decided to do some blood work to see what was going on. She told me to then come back on Thursday, January 19th, to go over the results. My midwife was gone both times that I went in that day because she was delivering babies, so I just talked to the nurse. She told me that I had tested positive for ICP or Intrahepatic Cholestasis of Pregnancy. It's a liver condition that affects the flow of bile salts. Instead of bile salts going to the stomach to help digest food, they build up in the bloodstream and get deposited in the hands and feet. So that's what caused my itchiness! My nurse then told me that the midwife would call me as soon as she could. So Dakota and I went home and waited.

Dakota left for weights around 3:30p.m. and my midwife called me around 4p.m. She told me that with such high numbers of bile salts in my blood work, there was no need to keep me pregnant any longer. She was worried about Maleea because all of the bile salts in the blood could come through the umbilical cord and her body wouldn't be able to process them, which put her at risk of a still birth. So I called Dakota and he came home early and then we left for the hospital! 

When we got to the hospital, they gave me a pill to soften my cervix. Contractions started right away and got worse and worse as time went on. Our Doula, Robyn, came at about 3a.m. and helped SO much. I really wanted a natural birth, so she helped Dakota and me to relax and breathe through the contractions. My water broke around 4a.m., so I was hoping that I was going to be done soon! But not so much. Around 9a.m. I was completely exhausted and needed something to help ease the pain. They gave me some pain meds so that I'd be able to rest a little bit. I woke up after a little while and the contractions were so strong. They kept checking to see how far I was dilated, but I was hardly even progressing. So around noon I decided to get an epidural. It took away the contraction pains, but I was still having terrible back labor. I tried to rest a little, but I was just so uncomfortable and numb from the waist down. Finally, around 5:30p.m., the nurse came in and checked me again and said that we were ready to start pushing! By this point, I was so exhausted and didn't know if I'd even be able to push. But I tried! I ended up pushing for a little less than an hour before little Maleea made her appearance. :) She was born at 6:38p.m., after 25 long hours of labor. She weighed 7lbs 8oz and was 20 1/4 inches long. 

As I was holding Maleea, the midwife told me that I needed to push again so that we could deliver the placenta. I pushed and then started to get light headed. I looked at my midwife and she had a worried look on her face. I told them that I was light headed and that I was about to pass out, so they put the oxygen mask on me and kept telling me to stay with them. The doctor then came in and I still had no clue what was happening. They gave me a bunch of medications through my IV and the doctor went to work. The room was full of people and I thought I was seriously going to die. The doctor finished up and the chaos seemed to settle down a little bit. They then told me that my placenta broke and that I was bleeding a lot. Normally, people lose about 200cc's of blood, but I lost 1200cc's! It was crazy, to say the least. So the doctor got all of the pieces of the placenta out of me and then stitched me up because apparently, I tore in two places because Maleea came superman style with her hand up by her head. 

After a little while, the nurse and Dakota helped me to get up and go to the bathroom. When we got in there, I almost blacked out. So they put me in a wheelchair and took me to another room. They helped me into the bed and I just fell asleep. They woke me up a few hours later to try and help me to the bathroom again. The nurse left for a second and then I almost passed out again. She came in, found me kneeling on the floor, and in a panicked voice asked me if I was ok. I told her that I just needed to take a little break. Haha. She then helped me get up and get back into bed. She came back a few minutes later and told me that they thought I should get a blood transfusion. So they got everything ready and gave me a transfusion from around 2a.m.-4a.m. I honestly thought I was never going to be able to sleep again. Haha. 

We stayed in the hospital until Sunday afternoon and then we were able to take little Maleea home. I was really weak and pretty sore, but so glad to be home. After a few days, I broke out into a rash and was super itchy. But this time, it was all over my arms, legs, and stomach. Apparently I was having an allergic reaction to something, but who knows what because of the long list of medications that they gave me. The rash finally went away after about a week though. So I was super grateful for that. 

So what does Maleea's birth story have to do with what I learned about my Savior? Well let me tell you about the insights that I had in Sacrament meeting yesterday. As the bread and water were being blessed and passed, I kept thinking about Maleea's birth. I thought about how difficult it was for me, but how grateful I was to finally have her here. Then the words of a hymn popped into my head. I grabbed a hymn book and started flipping through the pages looking for it. I finally found it, page 181, Jesus of Nazareth, Savior and King. 

In verse two it says, 

"While of this broken bread

Humbly we eat,

Our thoughts to thee are led

In rev'rence sweet.

Bruised, broken, torn for us

On Calvary's hill--

Thy suff'ring borne for us

Lives with us still."

Bruised. 

Broken. 

Torn. 

I thought again about Maleea's birth, during which I experienced all three of those things. I had bruises from the IV's that I was given. My placenta had broke, causing me to hemorrhage. I tore because Maleea's hand was right by her head when she came out. 

Then I thought about how I experienced not even a small fraction of what the Savior experienced for me. It brings tears to my eyes when I think about how incredibly painful that must have been for Him. In the Garden of Gethsemane, the Savior literally bled from every pore. 

In Luke 22:42-44 it says, 

"42Father, if thou be willing, remove this cup from me: nevertheless not my will, but thine, be done.

43 And there appeared an angel unto him from heaven, strengthening him.

 44 And being in an agony he prayed more earnestly: and his sweat was as it were great drops of blood falling down to the ground."

These scriptures show so much about Christ's character. He suffered more than man can suffer because of the perfect love that He has for each and every one of us. He wanted the pain to go away, yet was willing to do God's will so that He could provide the way for us to return home someday. 

I felt so weak after all of the blood that I lost, but just like Heavenly Father sent an angel to strengthen Christ in His time of need, He did the same for me. I was able to receive donated blood to strengthen and help me.

I'm so grateful for my Savior who understands completely. I know that He is always there for us and will always strengthen us in our time of need. He truly does make weak things become strong. (Ether 12:27)